'The Golden Bachelor' recap: A faked injury, a steamy hot tub affair and a feud squashed
Out of all the personality conflicts in the reality TV world, why did God, ABC and/or Gerry Turner end the burgeoning "Golden Bachelor" battle between Kathy and Theresa so quickly?
It was only last week that Kathy plunged the previously collegial mansion into the delicious heart of darkness by mobilizing against Theresa, who played the perfect victim while intensifying Kathy's rage by raving constantly about her deep "connection" with Gerry.
Yet before you could say "Real Housewives of New Jersey," the brewing brouhaha ended abruptly in Thursday's Episode 4.
Savor these fleeting moments in a power episode that featured a pickleball battle for Gerry's affections, a bawdy Never Have I Ever game with ice cream punishment, three women leaving the mansion (one of her own volition) and — saving the best for last — a shirtless Gerry, 72, presenting a rose during a steamy hot tub canoodle. Here's what happened in "The Golden Bachelor" Episode 4:
'The Golden Bachelor' Episode 3 recapThe fight for Gerry Turner's roses is on. Who lost?
Gerry rained on April's 'Golden Bachelor' reign
This was the cruelest month for therapist April, 65, who had no business going home this early. April audaciously faked a wipeout and ankle injury before Gerry's pickleball tournament, then shooed concerned fellow contestants away so she could lean into Gerry's awkwardly protective embrace.
"The good 'ol mare ain't what she used to be," April said winsomely to Gerry. In the next solo scene, she literally winked to the camera with a sly smile and sotto voce remark, "Actually, I am totally fine." Classic.
April won the women-only Never Have I Ever game with nonstop confessions that included detailed experiences with car sex: "Front seat, back seat, on the steering wheel," she shrugged between bites of ice cream penance.
Inexplicably, Gerry didn't give April a rose.
All about the pickleball game'Golden Bachelor' Gerry Turner courts skills
Sandra missed her daughter's wedding for pickleball and Gerry
Retired executive assistant Sandra, 75, is still alive in every way, even if she was last seen on bed rest from the hearty partaking of ice cream during the Never Have I Ever game. (Turns out she's lactose intolerant.) But she pushed through the dairy-filled gauntlet because she's a gamer.
Case in point, Sandra missed her daughter's wedding to impress Gerry in the pickleball tournament. She was a smashing first-timer, with a Jeter-esque lunge shot that should make ESPN highlights and play that propelled her team to runner-up status. (Kathy and hardcore pickleball enthusiast Ellen took the crown).
Gerry insisted Sandra make a joint FaceTime call to her just-wedded daughter. Their FaceTime moment was beautiful, complete with relatable iPhone tech fumbling. "We're too old for this," Sandra said with a smile. Sweet.
Gerry rewarded Sandra, who was too ill for the ceremony, with an early rose.
Gerry got the ATV motor running with Leslie and ended up in the hot tub
Fitness instructor Leslie, 64, the self-professed muse to Prince's song "Sexy Dancer," was excused from pickle play after drawing the one-on-one Gerry date. During their golden-light ATV jaunt, Gerry showed four-wheeler chivalry, riding behind Leslie to look after her.
But it wouldn't be a "Bachelor" season without a hot tub kiss. Gerry did not disappoint, after the two gazed into each other's mutually beautiful blue eyes.
Without dousing his rose, the suddenly shirtless Gerry helped Leslie into the tub, which materialized in a picturesque field with Champagne. Their post-rose clinch was PG-13 steamy, even with Gerry's right hand oddly stuck on the jacuzzi wall as if he was seeking the air-jets switch.
Gerry sniffs out 'Golden Bachelor' feud, Kathy is shown the door
Retired educational consultant Kathy, 70, snapped right back into outrage mode after financial professional Theresa, 70, boasted of her first-date details (again) to the group and visiting former "Bachelorette" Trista Sutter. "She could just be the one for Gerry," Kathy said to the camera in an astute moment. "She just can't seem to find the 'off' button."
Theresa tried to patch things up with another apologetic heart-to-heart that ended with Kathy giving her "friendly advice" that would have spooked Tony Soprano.
"Zip it," said Kathy.
This became "Snip it" when Theresa tearfully recounted the exchange to Gerry. But it worked. Gerry was outraged, confronting Kathy with, "I'm beginning to sense a rift here that I'm not happy about!"
"I'm not the villain here," Kathy insisted. But even she could see the game was up. "Because of Theresa, I'm not getting a rose," she groused.
She was right about the rose. Not often portrayed as a healthy model for personal expression, Kathy made a graceful exit, giving a final wave to the group that included Theresa. She drove off in the black SUV with a brittle look of defiance.
"I am who I am and people either like me or they don't," Kathy said in her exit interview. "Rejection is not fun. I might burn the house down before I leave." We think she was joking there.
Who left the 'Golden Bachelor' mansion?
Retired interior designer Nancy, 61, had a tender Episode 2 Gerry moment, but somehow sensed romantic futility. She voiced her suspicions privately to Gerry that she wasn't going to make the cut.
"I'm really not going to dispute that," Gerry said, sounding like he was giving a statement from his legal counsel.
Power move for Nancy, with her boot cast from pickleball, to just drive off before the rose ceremony that saw April and Kathy leave.
Who is left on 'Golden Bachelor'?
Ellen: The pickleball ace won that showcase and heartily kissed Gerry afterward. She enjoyed more Gerry kisses in a one-on-one moment. Gerry had his eyes open for some. Just saying.
Faith: Working it, but frets about her lack of Gerry time.
Susan: Gerry gave emphatic kisses and a rose quartz gift.
Leslie: That ATV date went deep. Real deep.
Theresa: Kathy hates to be right about this. There's something real between Gerry and Theresa.
Sandra: Gerry hasn't truly realized her greatness, but there's time.