Sum 41's Deryck Whibley alleges sex abuse by ex-manager: Biggest revelations from memoir
(This story was updated to add new information.)
Deryck Whibley is embracing the whole truth of his rock 'n' roll journey.
The Sum 41 singer, who released his memoir “Walking Disaster: My Life Through Heaven and Hell” on Tuesday, opened up about the sexual abuse he allegedly suffered during his relationship with the band's former manager, Greig Nori.
“For the longest time, I never thought I would ever speak about this stuff,” Whibley told the Toronto Star in an interview published Monday. “It was a deep, dark secret I was going to take to my grave.
“But I didn’t know how to tell the story without it, because it was so intertwined with everything that was going on in my life back at that point, almost on a daily basis.”
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Whibley, who met Nori when he was 16 during the pop-punk band’s early years, alleges in “Walking Disaster” that Nori – frontman of the Canadian rock group Treble Charger – coerced him into a sexual relationship after becoming a mentor to the teen musician (Nori was 35 at the time).
Whibley told the Los Angeles Times in an interview published Monday that he didn’t disclose Nori’s alleged abuse to his Sum 41 bandmates, nor did he inform Nori of the allegations in his memoir.
“You know, I don’t owe him anything,” Whibley told the L.A. Times, but “I’ve had an inner battle, like, ‘Why do I want to tell him? Because I feel like I’m supposed to? Because he still has this thing over me?’ He controlled everything in my life, but even the rest of the guys through the band. We were all under his wing. Me more, obviously. But he was such a controlling person.”
Representatives for Nori were unavailable at the time of publication.
Deryck Whibley details Greig Nori relationship, alleged sexual abuse
Whibley details his early relationship with Nori in “Walking Disaster,” writing that he met the Treble Charger rocker after sneaking into the band’s dressing room following a concert.
Whibley said Nori taught him the “foundations of songwriting” and became “like an older brother or even father figure to me.” The “Fat Lip” singer added that he and his bandmates didn’t know Nori’s age at the time but they “didn’t care.”
“I wanted to spend all my time hanging out with him, because he seemed cool, generous and kind,” Whibley writes. “I was young, impressionable and completely in awe of Greig Nori.”
Nori expressed interest in becoming Sum 41’s manager after Whibley was offered a publishing deal by EMI Publishing Canada. “He was my hero, my teacher, my mentor, my guru, and now he wanted to be our captain,” Whibley writes.
“Greig had one requirement to be our manager — he wanted total control,” Whibley continued. “We couldn’t talk to anyone but him because the music business is ‘full of snakes and liars’ and he was the only person we could trust. He promised to protect us. We were so young and hungry that we believed him.”
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Whibley claims his relationship with Nori turned physical after he kissed the then-18-year-old during a warehouse party. The two had gone inside a bathroom stall together to take some ecstasy.
“We were jammed in a gross bathroom stall, and I was talking nonstop, when he reached over, grabbed my face, and kissed me on the mouth, passionately,” Whibley writes. “I was very confused. Was that OK? Was I upset? Did I like it? Was he gay? Was he just high and being crazy? So many thoughts were coming at me so quickly that I couldn’t comprehend them.”
Although Nori apologized for the kiss afterward, Whibley said the musician “kept pushing for things to happen when we were together,” adding that he “felt like I was being pressured to do something against my will.”
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Despite not being attracted to men, Whibley said his physical relationship with Nori continued, although he "couldn’t take things much further than rolling around, making out and sometimes jerking each other off."
When Whibley tried to end the sexual aspect of their relationship, the Sum 41 frontman said Nori accused him of struggling with the "stigma of 'being gay or bi.'"
"I was so embarrassed that I had gotten myself into this mess, but I also felt guilty for being embarrassed, like that somehow made me homophobic," Whibley writes. "I was still in a place where I needed to believe Greig was great, and the thought of him being a sexual predator was something I chose to bury. I couldn't tell people any of this. I wanted to protect him."
Whibley's "extremely complicated" dynamic with Nori came to a head when he began dating fellow pop-punk singer Avril Lavigne in 2004. Afraid of Nori's reaction to his new romance, Whibley said he resorted to sneaking in and out of Lavigne's Toronto home, which was "just two doors down" from Nori's residence.
Whibley later confided in Lavigne about his tumultuous relationship with Nori, including their physical encounters, and the "Sk8er Boi" songstress told him, "That’s abuse! He sexually abused you!"
"Later, I lay in bed thinking. Was it abuse? Could it be abuse if I went along with it?" Whibley later reflects in the book. "I didn’t think it was abuse. It was my own fault. I was not a victim. I refused to allow myself to think that I was a victim of sexual abuse."
Deryck Whibley reflects on 'manipulative' Greig Nori relationship
Sum 41 parted ways with Nori following its Go Chuck Yourself Tour in 2005, citing the band's growing dissatisfaction with Nori's management.
Although Whibley says Nori "never physically held me down and forced me to do anything," he looks at their relationship much differently as an adult.
"What made a 35-year-old adult give a teen his phone number backstage at a concert? Why did a famous rockstar want to hang out with a kid who looked and acted like he was 14 years old?" Whibley writes, adding that Nori's behavior "seems predatory."
"Back then, I genuinely thought he wanted to check out my band, but as an adult and in the position I’m in now, that just sounds ludicrous."
"I had never heard the term 'grooming' until I became an adult. As the #MeToo movement exploded, I started to hear stories that sounded very familiar," Whibley concludes. "Was it abuse? Was it my own fault? Is this why he gave us all drugs and alcohol at such a young age? I don’t know. At the very least, I can't deny that he was incredibly manipulative."
If you are a survivor of sexual assault, RAINN offers support through the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) and Hotline.RAINN.org and en Español RAINN.org/es.